Black Bliss
by Call-For-The-Grave
Summary: Long after World War II Russia and Germany still are on uneven grounds. After a conversation with Russia, Germany begins to rethink things he's felt towards the Russian. Along with returned feelings of being lonesome Germany is faced with confusing thoughts and feelings about Russia while Russia is unsure of everything Germany is doing. Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia
1. Snowy nights

The tall Russian man stood in the snow. His large form standing stock still in the cold wind and snow. Ivan didn't know how he had come to this, but he had and thats what hurt. Biting his chapped lips he looked down to the ground. He was unsure of what to do next, unsure of how to carry on. His people were a mess. He seemed to be losing power as each noziating second went by. Ivan clenched his jaw, wishing for someone, anyone, to be able to confort him in times like these. Yet all he had was his sisters. They were never much help no matter how hard they tried. He loved them, and he knew they loved him to. But relations were strained and he didn't want to lose them further.

Ivan's fists clenched to match his jaw, the numbing cold having no affect on the hardened man in its icy grip. Ivan faltered as he let his legs buckle under his weight and feel to his knees. The frozen earth coliding with his knee caps, ripping a pained gasp from his dry throat. Ivan learched forward, clutching the ground. Ivan's frame quivered with every muscle of his body shaking with withheld cries of pain. His knees no longer mattered as he let silent tears trail their way down his cheekbones and dripped off his face. Ivan squeezed his eyes tightly closed, hating himself. He let himself go, falling over into the snow, his arms cousioning his fall. He rolled over onto his back, closing his eyes. His breaths came out in strangled huffs as he tried to suppress his tears. A small tear sliped from his eye, making its icy trial down the side of his face to the ground below.

Ivan stood in his home, silent. The room was cacooned in a silky silence. The only sounds were that of Ivan's movements, the occational shuffle ad rubbing of fabric as he would lift the clear bottle to his eager lips. The small breaths that escaped his mouth as he tried to controle himself. Ivan let his head lull back and felt the smooth liquid slide down his throat with the familure burning sensation that came with his drink of choice. Ivan seemed to feel half complete. He was missing something. Nothing he could possably find in his home. But none of his feelings were what he wanted. He wanted to be emotionless, stone, cold to the world around him. Thats what everyone viewed him as, as far as he knew. To them he was a monster, crule, a murderer. He spat at the idea. He let a single laugh escape his lips. It grased the air as its leating presence rang in his ear for a second before it faded. Ivan shook his head, tilting the bottle to his lips and raised his head again, letting the last of the bottles contents glide down his throat. A small drop layed in the corner of his mouth before he wriped his mouth with the back of his calloused hands. Finaly moving he moved to throw away the bottle, having no ferther useage of it he slumped down the long corrordors of his large house. White walls darkened with lack of light. His shadow dance accross the wall beside him, following his movments. Ivan turned to face a door, pausing before opening the large oak door to a large room. There lay a king sized bed, with satin sheets and smooth pillows. A tall ebony dresser faced him as he walked slowly through the room. He ran his rough hand along the smooth wooden serface of the dresser. The soft red carpet rubbing the bottoms of his bare feet as he walked. He pulled off his ivory scarf, and layed down intop the bed, where an empty spot lay next to his form.


	2. Black nights

Ludwig paced in his room. His jet black boots, scorned, tattered and scuffed from use, beat on the soft carpet of the floor beneath him. His back arched forward, his hair messy and his arms holding himself. The tall, bulky German man's already tight jaw clenched, making the skin turn white. Ludwig stopped at his wall, leaning his head against the white plastered wall, supporting himself with his hands. He squeezed his eyes closed, beating his fist firmly against the wall in front of him. He opened his eyes, after hitting his final blow to the wall. Stress ran through his muscles, making them tense and unforgiving to the German man. Ludwig let his hand linger on the wall before walking to his bathroom. He pulled his thin, black tank top from his torso, and over his head. He busied himself with removing the rest of his cloths and turning on the hot water of his shower. Letting the hot water run down his muscles helped him relax. He ran his rough calloused hands through his hair as he tried to calm his nerves.

The hot water slid off of his skin, cleaning him of the sweat that had formed there. The tall German man slid down to the cool floor of the bath tub and let the water pool around him. He plugged the drain, and laid his head back. Ludwig let his thoughts travel freely through his head, not sure where anything was leading to. The world meeting was tomorrow and he was stressed and overworked. The Italian known as Felicano was always slacking off. It was always hell trying to get him to work. Ludwig rubbed his face with his palm. He stood up and drained the tub of water, and dried off.

Ludwig walked slowly to his room, packing little items for the trip to come. Preparing for yet another chaotic meeting. He sighed as he left his room, his feet dragging slightly on the ground below him. He sighed as he pushed open his door, letting the light blind him for a minute as we exited his dark room. His bright blue eyes glinted in the light, his eyes squinting to see as his eyes adjusted. His grip tightened on the small suitcase he held in his hand, his knuckles turning whiter as he did so.

As Ludwig found himself at his hotel, he sat down on the bed, burying his face in his hands as he let himself fall into anguish and loneness. His heart pounded at the thought. Could he really be lonely? He questioned himself as he sat there in thought. Him thinking of being lonely only made his want to believe otherwise. He tried to not give into himself but he did nonetheless, letting the feeling of being alone sink in. Ludwig slipped under the cold covers of the bed beneath him and let himself fall asleep. The haunting thoughts of loneliness still wondering in his mind as he feel to the sleep that awaited him. His last thought was that of his brother, Prussia, before sleep engulfed him in sticky, black tendrils.


	3. Another Meeting

Ivan walked slowly from the plane station, a small suitcase in his hand. As he sauntered lightly down the halls, he found his head to be low, his figure slumped over; leaving the impression he had a hunchback. He straightened his back as he popped a few joints in his neck and back and continued on to his hotel for the next world meeting.  
As he set the light item on a dull, brown chair, Ivan sighed heavily. His mind was still swimming with questions that had yet to be answered. He sat down on the grey bed that was set in the middle of the little room. The sheets felt cold and uninviting like everything else to him. His large hands pulled off the dark brown and cracked leather gloves that covered them. He rubbed his warm hands together as his calloused fingers felt on another his thoughts never left him alone. He let his hands fall, his head following suit as he sighed again. He was alone; and he knew it. As he stood up from his position he groggily went from one side of the room to the other, pacing slowly as he did so. His booted feet making soft sounds across the carpet as hey moved one after the other. He continued in thought as he did so, his hands clenching at one thought or the other. 'I'm alone.' he thought one moment, 'No one will ever love me' he thought the next. His jaw tightened, a prominent frown was on his face, his face rendered a cold emotion as he looked down at the floor.  
The large Russian man pulled off his coat and scarf after the long time standing in the middle of the small, dull room. his boots were slipped off as well. In nothing else but his tank top and briefs he crawled into the cold bed, he laid curled up, thinking of everything but sleep.

Ludwig walked slowly into the room that the meeting was to be held. The room being empty as he was early that morning. His icy blue eyes scanned over the room, stopping at the site of someone else. He walked in closer, wanting to see who it the figure came into focus, he registered the smiling face of none other than Ivan Braginsky. The German's face contorted as he furrowed his brow, wondering why the Russian would be in here so early.  
"Ah... Hello Ivan..." Ludwig began, not knowing what to say to his former enemy  
"? Ludwig." Ivan said, his voice chimed out in return, His smile almost faltered as he did so.  
"What are you doing here so early?" Ludwig questioned after a few moments of awkward silence between the two.  
Ivan looked over the the German, His brow furrowed as he thought of a way to word it. After a small silence between them again he replied. "I woke up early and could not sleep, So I cam here. May I ask as to why you are here so early?" He shot the question back,his Russian accent ever so present and laced with his words nicely.  
Ludwig nodded slowly, not sure how else to brace the question but with a simple answer. "I am always early." He replied,sounding colder and less accommodating than he had intended, only knowing this by Ivan's small twitch of the lip at his tone of voice.  
"I see..." He said softly as he gently fiddled with his thumbs under the table. His gaze did not leave the the smaller German across from him, his unnerving childish smile still played falsely on his lips as the other shuffled uneasily under his gaze. "You like sunflowers da?" The question took Ludwig off guard as he jumped lightly from the sudden question.  
"What?" He asked, his facade faltering slightly under the intense violet stare of the other.  
"I asked if you like sunflowers." Ivan answered, his childish smile twitched ever so slightly as he watched the German start to falter beneath him.  
"I guess they are alright." Ludwig answered, straightening his back. "Why would you ask such a question?" He inquired after his small train of thought returned to him, hoping to not seem rude to the larger country.  
Ivan leaned forward a little placing his head onto his hands which he propped on the table, closing his amethyst eyes for a moment before answering in a soft, almost loving tone. "Because I love sunflowers, I dream of living in a warm place filled with them." He opened his eyes to view a speechless Ludwig before him, making a small laugh fall from his pale lips. Ivan sat back up, leaning lightly into the back of the chair awaiting a reply to fall from the Germans lips to meet his ears.  
"That...sounds beautiful Ivan." Was Ludwig's only response before the door lightly opened to reveal a surprised Arthur walking through the door. "Well hello there." He said, his British accent making his words trail lightly though the air around them.  
Ivan's smile did not fault as he gently tapped the table with his gloved fingers. "? Britain, it is good to see you." He said almost sweetly to the other.  
"Ah... it is good to see you as well..." The Small British man replied, feeling a little uneasy at the stares he was receiving, realizing he had butted into a small conversation by the cold stare he got from Ivan. As he began to take a step forward to further enter the room, a certain American pushed his way through the door as he proclaimed "Watch out dudes! The hero is coming though!" As he nearly pushed Arthur over, he walked in quite happy with himself for his entrance.  
As the boastful American walked through he looked around to see how big his audience was at the moment, noticing Ivan and Germany sitting quietly across from one another. "Hey Ludwig, hey Commie." he said as he passed by to his seat,ignoring the Russian who seemed to grow ten times bigger than he had before, his smile turning from innocent to malicious in a matter of seconds. Ludwig, however did notice and looked from Ivan to Alfred to see as to what would happen.  
As Alfred propped his feet up onto the table, Ivan stared over at the American. His stare was cold and unforgiving as the corner of his lips twitched ever so lightly. The air ran cold around the Russian and Ludwig shuddered,about to say something as the rest of the countries began to file in. The many other countries filed to their seats, Ivan all the while shooting daggers from his dark eyes.  
The meeting soon began and chaos ensued, with countries fighting and nothing being resolved once again. Ludwig stood and silenced everyone, formally trying to get things to be done. Even though the German's efforts, everything went to shit afterwords, along with him giving up. Ivan sat quietly, watching the chaos, once in a while talking with France or even listening to Spain. The cold aura around him stayed glued to his form as he talked quietly with few others. The meeting finally ended with little done and a messy room. Ivan stood slowly to leave, walking towards the exit with long strides as he left the room. Ludwig watched him as he left, his thoughts flashing back to what the Russian had said before the meeting had started. His thought went on as his muscles tensed again, not realizing that he had relaxed while talking to Ivan.

Ludwig took his things from his room in the hotel and left to go back home. His gaze trailed around the airport, finding his destination laying before him as we walked to the line to the plane headed to Germany. His thoughts kept running around Ivan and what he had said. The look of his face and the sound of his voice chimed in his head as he tried to find out if he was genuine or just finding a way to slither into his mind. If either were true, they both worked for him. As Ludwig walked onto the plane he slowly drifted off to sleep, his thoughts still on Ivan.


	4. Lonely Thoughts

Ludwig awoke to the sounds of the people in the plane and the pilot asking for people to buckle their seat belts. As he did so his mind relapsed back to his dreams. He tried to recollect the thoughts of his dream, his icy eyes searching around him for a clue to help. Finding only bits and pieces to his dream. As the plane landed, he made his way back out to the station. His cold eyes widened in realization as he walked back to his car in the vast parking lot. Of what he could bring to mind of his dream, they all pertained to the tall, Russian man Ivan. Shaking his head, his pace never slowed in till he met with his car. Getting in and gently placing his things in the back he made his way back to his home.

As Ludwig walked back to his home, he couldn't help but notice the tall, dark house towering over him. It seemed forbidding and cold. The shadows cascaded down the house as the sun set, the world around the German man being blanketed in the black of night as he knew it. The veil of darkness grew slowly thicker as he treaded the path to the house. Upon reaching his door, shadows seemed to follow him. It felt as almost that their sticky tendrils of black would wrap around him and pull him down. As the door opened after what seemed an eternity to him, a drawn out creaking came from it's hinges. The sound crawled through the air around him and echoed throughout the room. Ludwig's booted feet dropped against the hardwood flooring of the room as he entered. The house was dark and lonesome. No one seemed to be home at the time, leaving the larger, dark, home empty. A small icy shiver ran down Ludwig's spine as he realized Gilbert either wasn't home or sleeping downstairs.  
The air ran cold as he continued though his home. His skin felt cold under his uniform, the feeling unusual to him as he walked down the dark halls; not bothering to turn on any lights as he wouldn't want to waste money on such things. He stopped at his bedroom door, his hand stopping as his gloved fingertips barely grazed the door nob. His home was empty. It was only him and he was cold and alone. His home was merely a house to him. No one was there to help him feel less dead in the dark, frigid house he was in. The dark shadows on the wall were unmoving and without life. As Ludwig slowly grasped the door nob His blue eyes stared at the inky black that surrounded him in the hallway. Little light shone through the few windows. The silence drifted down through the house as the German stood there, staring at the dark. The only noise was his breathing as he tried to figure out the feeling that was rising in his chest as he looked for something unknown in the aphotic halls.  
His hand grasped the door nob, his gaze still trained on something that wasn't there. As he stepped into the room he turned on the light; sighing in relief as the caliginous room bathed in new found light. Ludwig set his suitcase down, putting things away and gently ridding himself of the cloths on his back other than his boxers and white tank top. The thin fabric clung to his muscles as he moved around the room. A calloused hand ran it's way through his hair as he thought. Although the room was well lit, he felt the ever present thoughts of being alone. His brother was probably out drinking and what not and would be home soon. But Ludwig couldn't get the thought off his mind. He was used to having Gilbert around when he came home, or to be around in general. As he was in thought, he promptly switched the bright lights off and found his way to bed. The frore room seemed even colder as the light dimmed and the inky blackness found it's way back into the room to settle. Ludwig felt cold as he laid there in the room. His muscles tensed as he tried to sleep. His thoughts going nowhere from subjects of anything pertaining to sunflowers to a certain Russian and the dark.

Ivan made his way slowly to his home in Russia. The soft snow crunched under his booted feet. The fresh, icy air filled his lungs and burned his throat as he made his way down the streets of Moscow. His gaze was trained on what lay ahead of him as he walked, faces passed and none looked his way. Voices of people talked of different things, some good some bad. Ivan didn't quite care for what his people said. They all seemed to pass by in a blur of colors and voices. The ever present grey skies over Russia let down soft snow as he walked home. The soft snowflakes fluttered down and found their way to the ground. As Ivan walked he thought of how Ludwig had talked to him rather than trying to avoid him like many others. His straight face cracked slightly as a corner of his chapped lips turned upward in a small smile. His pale features lighting up ever so slightly in the bright light from the snow around him.  
Ivan wound his way to the front door of the large house he lived in. The snow covered house loomed over Ivan as he entered. The house was silent after the soft thud of the door being closed. Taking off his shoes and coat at the door. The dark house seemed all to familiar to the large Russian man as he continued in to the quite home. His steps echoed throughout the building as he made his way to the bathroom. Peeling off the cloths that clung to his large frame he pushed them into a hamper in the corner of the room. Stepping inside the shower and allowing himself warm comfort in the seemingly heatless house he washed the day's sweat and dirt from his ivory skin. The hot water glided off his skin as it seemed to reach out the try and melt away the tension in his shoulders.  
Ivan stepped into his room, a yawn tumbled from his mouth as he brushed the wet, beige strands of hair out of his face and crawled under the silk blankets on his bed. The dark room was almost comforting in the cold Russian night. The soft bed he laid in offered no sleep as it seemed that night. Ivan tossed and turned violently in the silken blankets around him. As he sighed, he pushed himself upward and slowly made his way to the kitchen in the large house. His footsteps echoed lightly down the halls that wound their way through the empty house. The soft sounds drifted around the air, almost tauntingly so as the Russian found his way in the cimmerian halls. Flicking on the kitchen lights as he looked for something to help him sleep.  
Warming some milk over the stove, he hummed lightly. His thoughts traveled through his mind as he watched the white liquid simmer lightly over the stove. Ivan's thoughts moved to Ludwig as he carried on with drinking the warm milk. The smaller German male had seemed accommodating to him as he tried to make small talk. Their past seemed to make Ludwig hesitate to talk to him. Ivan's brow furrowed at the thought. Their past had not come into mind when he had talked to the German. It was true, their past with one another was gory and uninviting for him to think of. Gently the Russian rubbed his temples, taking another drink of the warm milk as he tried to find out why he couldn't sleep.  
As Ivan crawled back into bed, the night entailed no sleep. The thoughts of Ludwig didn't seem to want to cease as he tried to sleep. He laid in the middle of the large bed , looking from side to side in the dark. There was no where to go for him now, he was tired and groggy and the inky tendrils of the dark seemingly had him in their grasp. The large room was almost void of light as he lay there. Ivan stared at the walls, amethyst eyes looked for something in the room to think about, but nothing came to mind. Small shadows seemed to fold in and out on the walls, his imagination keeping him awake. His mind seemed to be somewhere else as he closed his eyes. His eyelids offered hardly a difference in the frigid room. The only difference he noticed was the fragments of his imagination couldn't be seen behind his eyelids. As the slid open the shadows danced once more.  
Ivan turned on his side, leaving half the bed to be empty. He laid there alone in the dark. His soft hair felt dry from his shower that seemed forever ago now. The soft sounds of the house creaking made no difference at the moment. His eyes slid closed as he thought of sunflowers and warmth. His hands tightened their grip on the silken blankets as he thought of old faces. The house around him seemed to full with life in his thoughts as the days of the Soviet Union flooded his mind. Pulling the blankets closer his body clenched at the thoughts. His eyes never opening. As he drifted off to sleep his mind kept nagging at him on the thoughts of family and friends he no longer had around him. The last thing he realized before finally slipping off to a restless sleep was that a single, small tear leaked from his eye. It trailed down his soft features before it hit the soft sheets.

A stream of sunlight shone through the air, lighting the room slightly as the sun began to rise in the skies of Berlin. Ludwig awoke to the sounds of shuffling and rattled pots in the kitchen and sunlight. Gilbert was home. Rubbing his head lightly he walked out to the kitchen of his home. Gilbert was standing in the kitchen, making what seemed to be potato pancakes and coffee. Ludwig walked in, brushing his hair back with a hand. He no longer felt the strange feeling in his chest as he did the night before, but his mind stayed on the subject of how it felt. Gently shaking the thought out of mind he walked over to the counter, pouring himself a cup of coffee and sat down.  
"Guten morgen bruder." Ludwig said, almost in a mono tone. sipping his coffee, he looked up to his older brother, a smile plastered on Gilbert's face.  
"Guten morgen!" He exclaimed loudly, his voice held much more emotion than that of his younger brother. "You're not up as early as usual, bruder." Gilbert stated, pointing to the clock as he snickered. His German accent slightly different than that of his brothers.  
"Ja, I know that. Had another meeting yesterday you know." Ludwig replied, not all that enthusiastic at the thought of being off schedule for the day. His thick German accent laced his words accordingly as he spoke again. "Why are you up so early then East?" Ludwig asked lightly.  
"Oh you know, making food for the awesome me und mein little bruder West." Gilbert responded, laughing at himself with the ever present smile on his pale face.  
Ludwig sighed lightly at his brother, a small smile played on his lips. "I see, thank you Gilbert." Was his only response before Gilbert sat across from the other and began to eat sloppily. As the other German man pushed himself up and out of the seat he was in and got some of his own food and began to eat as well. The two talked lightly from one another through bites and drinks of coffee. After Ludwig was finished he went back to his room to grab his uniform and take a quick shower. Rinsing himself of the filth of the day before, he let the hot, steamy water glide down his chiseled form before exiting and getting dressed.  
Ludwig slicked back his hair as he began his day's workout cycle, easily surpassing his Italian and Japanese friends in the workouts. His mind kept working it's way back to how he had felt. The feeling was unusual and over bearing to him as he tried to figure out why he felt that way. His pace sped up while he was in thought, pushing his body more than he would have on a regular day. Feliciano and Kiku Looked upon the large man in worry. Feliciano waited for the German to finally stop in front of him before talking to him.  
"Hey, Germany why are to being so distant today?!" The small Italian asked the other male in front of him. His soft features contorted into an expression of worry as he looked upon his German friend.  
"I did not realize this Italy. I've just been thinking that's all." Ludwig replied simply to the other. His mouth stayed in a firm line as he examined the others. his blue eyes seemed to be cold in his gaze as a new thought dawned on the German. "In any case, training is done with. You may leave if you like." Was what he said before moving off back to his home. The Italian and Japanese men moving along behind him. They had seemed to keep the tradition on training with the German, even after the war. The thought process always seemed to strike Ludwig with bewilderment, but Feliciano reasoned it was because they were friends.  
After Ludwig's friends had headed back home, he paced in his room, unsure of how to breach the subject he soon would. Walking to the phone next to his bed, he grasped the small object. He tapped his finger along the wooden surface of his bed side table. Trying to recollect the number from his mind. The number was almost lost to him as he searched his mind. Finally finding conformation from Alfred, he dialed the long distant number on the small metallic phone in his hand. Holding it up to his ear the ringing ensued in long, drawn out tones. Thinking he may never pick up a click on the other side was made and a drowsy voice, heavy accented answered.  
"Алло"


	5. An Informal Meeting

Ivan tossed and turned in his bed, it being late afternoon in his Russian home, the large man had done nothing but try to regain lost sleep from the nights before. Drowsy and unwilling to move he laid in bed. His head felt heavy, along side the rest of his limbs. Just as he felt he may be able to sleep for a while, his phone began to ring in an obnoxious display of chimes. His eyes opened as he rubbed his face with his rough hand. A small drawn out groan emitted from his throat as he sluggishly stood from his place in his warm bed, the cold air of the house around him hitting his hot skin.

He trudged down the hall of his home to reach the phone mid-ring, only to see he did not recognise the number. He stood puzzled for a second before picking up the wall phone from it's resting place and let the Russian word "привет?" fall from his chapped lips. Silence was found on the end of the static ridden line connecting the two males. Just as he was about to re-try a greeting in another language, a gruff "Guten Tag, Russia" was heard from a familiar German voice. Ludwig was calling him? Ivan stood in in astonishment at the thought, disbelieving that his former enemy would be talking to him in such a casual way.

"...Ludwig?" Russia inquired of the other, hoping he might be wrong, but also right at the same time.

"Yes, this is Ludwig. I thought you would have known this." Ivan's eyebrows furrowed, helping contort his face into the confused appearance he felt.

"I do not know what you are trying to inquire, Germany, but I am sure that I would not know that you held this number." The Russian's eye's narrowed, his lips in a thin line. He wasn't sure what to think of this encounter.

"I just had a thought you might keep it from our rivalry days..."Ludwig thought out loud, instantly hating his speaking out. "Not that I called to talk about that." He quickly tried to patch up the re-opening wound he might have caused.

"I see, so why have you called then? Do you want trade, help, something of the sort?" Now it was Ivan's turn to think out loud, although he didn't regret it; his annoyance clear in his accented voice.

"No, no, nothing like that Ivan." Ludwig assured the Russian. "I wanted to...talk to you about things. I was wondering if we could meet up sometime?" The German stood there, hoping his offer wasn't to hasty or off putting to the other.

"It would depend on the kind of things, Ludwig, I am a very busy man you know." Ivan lied. He had paperwork and occasional business trips to view relations with other nations. Other than that, he was always alone. Either reading or some other pass time.

"I would believe so. I would like to discuss personal things with you. Nothing government nor international." Ludwig's hand's shook lightly, his muscles tensing ever so slightly. Thoughts raced though his head, wondering what he would do or what would happen is Russia denied his offer to talk.

"...Very well then. I can meet up with you tomorrow at my house then, da?" Ivan smiled lightly, closing his eyes in wait for the others reply. Someone actually wanted to talk to him.

"Very well...I will see you a little before noon then?"

"Alright Ludwig. see you then." With that the Russian promptly hung up the phone, no longer having the want to conversate with the smaller country. He walked back to his room and crawled under his now cold blankets. Mentally cursing the German man who kept him from a warm bed.

Ludwig stared at the phone, Ivan had hung up on him without an answer. Not even allowing an argument or confirmation from him. A small sigh left his nose as he placed the phone back in it's place and went to go pack a small bag from the short trip to Moscow and book a flight there. After getting a small hand-full of warmer cloths ready for the morning, he went to bed, uneager to see the ample man the next morning.

As the sun rose, Ludwig got dressed and left his home, leaving a small note on the fridge for his brother and calling his two companions to tell then training was off for the day and maybe the next. After reaching the large building and returning to the familiar scene of the airplane, he sat in thought on his way to Moscow.

Ivan awoke to the light filtering into his room through the slightly ajar curtains covering his windows. The silky fabric shined in the light cast from the dull Russian sun. Picking himself up and working around the house to make it more presentable, he forgot as to what time it was. Looking at a clock a small smile pulled at his lips. Only a few more hours in till his German counterpart would arrive. Taking that time to take a shower and dress would be nice and a good change or course for him. And he did just that.

As he walked though the large, void, house and turned up the heat slightly, feeling it would help his guest feel less obligated to leave as soon as possible. Upon noticing the time once more, he began to make lunch for the two of them. Making a Russian salad, Borsch, and chicken with mashed potatoes. Just as things were beginning to look done and ready, his clarion door bell chimed though the house. As he left the kitchen, he ran to the door. Opening it to his German guest.

"Welcome to my home Ludwig." Ivan chimed cheerfully, moving out of the way for him to enter. "I have made lunch for us, follow me." He ordered, his voice held an underlying command over the other.

"Ah, ja, thank you Russia." Ludwig replied, following the other as he rethought how this could have actually been a bad choice.

As Ivan entered the kitchen, he stepped over to the cabinets, bringing out four bowls and two plates, setting them out and filling each with the Russian foods, humming lightly as he did so. "Would you like vodka, tea or coffee?" He inquired, looking back at the other as he continued to repair the food to be served properly.

"I think i'll just have some coffee, thank you." Was Ludwig's response, earning a pleased "You are welcome." from the other as he served the salad and coffee to the other, holding a bottle of vodka and a cup of tea for himself.

"Y-you are going to drink vodka and tea?" Ludwig questioned, his face contorted into confusion as he looked upon the Russian, drinking from the bottle. A small chuckle tumbled from Ivan's mouth as he put the bottle back down. "Da, It is from Russian tradition to drink vodka at lunch." Was is reply, a smile graced his features as he closed his eyes.

"I... I see. That sounds slightly irresponsible, Ivan." Ludwig said lightly, hoping he had not offended the other, knowing he would be a formidable foe.

"That is because you are used to beer da?" A small smile stayed on his face as his eyes sparkled at his house guest, knowing he would have fun messing with him.

"J-ja, I guess so. But enough chatter, let's eat, okay?" Ludwig felt slightly uncomfortable in the presence of the other, him being smaller and having the large Russian loom over him in the spacious made everything feel smaller and confining.

As they ate, an uncomfortable silence fell over the two. As the time went by, seconds felt like hours under the careful gaze of the Russian. As time passed on Germany began to enjoy the food the other had prepared. The new tastes and smells made him feel even more uneasy as he continued to eat, only comfort that was offered by the empty house was the light filtering through the window's glass and satin curtains. The home was beautiful, showing great wealth and Russian history in the old, roomy home of the Russian. The floors were high-end wood and all original. Even though the new, modern appliances in the house, it held the old, bloody past of the man before Ludwig.

Finally braking the silence between the two, Ludwig spoke softly. "You have a very beautiful home, Ivan." His eyes anywhere but on the man before him. As Ivan looked at the other, his eyes stayed cold,taking in the German's features.  
There was another small silence before Ivan took a small sigh through his mouth and replied "Thank you, I've had it since before the World Wars you know." Ivan's words held a slight twinge of something more, something Ludwig couldn't place. "It used to hold many more than just me, although, now it is just me along with my thoughts." His voice still sweet as before, with a smile on his lips; faltering.

"That is a very long time, Ivan." Ludwig replied, finishing off his large meal and sipping his still hot coffee.

"Ah yes it is, although soon everyone will come and live with me. I hope it is sooner than planned, it get's so lonely here da?" His voice stayed as childish as ever. His eyes sparkled ever so slightly in the light as he talked to the other. "In any case, what did you want to talk to me about?" He questioned, tilting his head to the side and blinking a few times, his bright eyes trained on the man in front of him.

"Ah... I'm here to talk to about.. certain feelings I've been having.. along with... thoughts.." Ludwig stumbled over his words, unsure of how to breach the subject with the cheerful individual in front of him.

"So you want to talk about emotions!" Ivan laughed lightly, seeming like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders as he gazed at the other. "If it is feelings you want to talk about, follow me then, we will talk in my living room da?" He half stated, half questioned Ludwig. Getting up and placing the dirtied dishes to the sink and began to walk out the arched door way. As they made their way through the large house, Ludwig felt unnerved at the over gleeful demeanor of Ivan. He didn't seem like this the other day or even an hour ago. He wasn't sure as to what to think.

Once the Russian man sat down in a chair facing another by his large fireplace, he placed his elbow on the arm of the cushioned chair he sat him, resting his cheek on his fist as his eyes trailed Ludwig's moments. "So you wanted to talk, why don't you begin by starting with what has been bothering you most." Ivan suggested, his chin hidden by his soft scarf.

Ludwig sat down in the soft chair, thinking of how to start this conversation. He crossed his legs and rested his arm on his propped up leg, trying to appear relaxed in the company of the intimidating male. "Ivan... I've been thinking of what you said at the meeting before the other's entered..."


	6. A Strange Conversation

Ivan sat a little straighter in his chair, lifting his head a little off his fist as his eye's widened slightly. "Yes, what about what I said?" He questioned. A cold sweat ran down the back of his scarf clad neck.

"Yes, I've been thinking a lot about it..." Ludwig said lightly, leaning forward a little as he examined the other's reaction, hoping to not bring up any hard memories. "I was wondering what you meant by it... fully." He said, almost mumbling his words as he looked down at his hands. His mouth stayed in a thin line as he waited.

Ivan blinked a few times, his wide eye's focused on Germany's uneasiness around such topics and even him. "I meant, that I do not like the snow. I do not like the constant cold of my country and would like to live in a place without these bad memories and cold days. I want to live in a place with warmth, sun and fields of sunflowers." His voice stayed calm and heartfelt. His pale lips curved into a soft smile, barely visible under his scarf to the German man across from him.

"So that's why." Ludwig seemed to visibly relax more into the chair he sat in. The thought's raced in his mind as he rethought over what to say next. "It is still a nice thought though, Ivan." The German man tried to comfort the other, who seemed uneasy at the subject.

"Thank you, was there anything else you wanted to talk with me about?" Ivan regained composer, along with his cheerful tone and wider smile on his face. The Russian looked into Ludwig's eye's, trying to decipher his emotions he held in; suddenly feeling a compulsion to figure out the German man before him.

Ludwig cleared his throat and moved his gaze from that of the Russian's eye's to his hands. "I... I felt something the other day, when I got home from the meeting, Ivan. I was hoping you could empathize with me." He spoke slowly to the other, his voice slightly off in emotion.

Ivan took note in the change in tone from the other before he replied. "I see, what is it that is bothering you friend?" Ivan tapped his gloved fingers on his face lightly as he examined Ludwig squirming slightly at the new found name given to him from Ivan.

"I... I felt this pit in my stomach, and ache almost. My home didn't feel like a home." Ludwig stopped, looking into the expression filled eyes of the other as he waited for some kind of jab while he was in his low point of mind. Ivan sat quietly across from Ludwig, relaxed into his old, soft chair; looking at the other for a moment before inclining his head slightly to indicate for Ludwig to continue.

"I felt..." The German paused again, rethinking his words, searching almost before his dry lips opened again. "Alone." He finished, a look of confusion on his face, the long forgotten feeling of being alone seemed to have faded over the years since World War two. 'Always having people with you will do that'. He thought silently to himself. Ludwig's icy blue eyes wondered back to Ivan's form from the ground they seemed to have found interest in during his time of speaking and thinking. Ivan's body language had changed drastically from only minutes ago. His posture had failed him, his shoulders hunched over as his arms rested on his legs, his hands fell limp as they hung over his knees. His eyes pierced Ludwig's through his messy beige hair that hung over his face, covering most of his expression from the man sitting only a few feet away from him.

Ludwig cleared his throat lightly, leaning forward toward the other, his hands clasped together as his arms rested in his legs. His face softened from the hard, professional look he always seemed to have. The hard line that was his lips changed. Ludwig began to open his mouth to speak once more before Ivan had spoken.

"So, you felt alone?" Ivan questioned before Ludwig could speak. Bringing up his head to look Ludwig in the eyes, his amethyst colored ones staring intently into a sea of cold blue. "Ja, I did. I wanted to know..." Ludwig trialed off, his gaze shifting downward to the floor as he mumbled under his breath slightly. His stomach felt odd, almost twisting in his body as the feeling of butterflies emerged.

"What was that?" Ivan questioned. His forlorn features trailed Ludwig's every movement. He wanted to understand the man in front of him. Ludwig looked back up to Ivan as he regained composure in the sight of the other. His usual hard look returned as he was determined to keep this visit as professional as humanly possible.

"I...I wanted to know if this is how you always feel, Ivan." The German finished his unfinished sentence, his face resembling that of a statue's stoic features. Ivan's eyes widened as he looked at the other, his small smile not seen on his chapped lips as his mouth parted ever so lightly. Ivan searched desperately for an answer in the face of Ludwig Beilchmidt that didn't seem to be there at all. The German's eyes expressed great empathy but his features did not.

"If that is what you wanted to know, than yes." Ivan said bluntly, his gloved hands finding something to do as he tried not to look as hopeless as he was for his situation at hand.

Ludwig looked back down at his own hands and nodded his head. He swallowed lightly before he let his gaze stay where it was. Ivan leaned a little closer to the German, his hands covering his face and rubbing his temples ever so slightly. The large, elegant room seemed to fill with tension as a silence fell over the two men. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Ivan gently pulled off his leather gloves. His pale, rough hands trembled ever so slightly as he laid a large, warm hand on Ludwig's shoulder. The other held his round face as he studied the man before him. Ludwig looked up at the Russian as he registered a hand was his shoulder.

"Ivan, are you alright?" The German asked, his composure gone. A Expression filled Ivan with soft features stared back into his face. A soft smile replaced the frown of before. "I am fine, Ludwig. The question is, are you?" He asked lightly. The tension seemed to break as Ivan's hand kept a firm grip on the other. Ludwig sighed, His heart sped up as the contact persisted. Being in the presence of the Russian man was enough as is to make him unsure of everything. But now he was confused beyond belief.

"Thank you Ivan, I am fine." he German stated, a small smile edged its way onto Ludwig's lips. Just as it did, he realized how incredibly close they were. A small blush tried to force it's way onto his face as he leaned back. "I do believe though, Ivan, that I must be getting back to Germany" He stated, suddenly regretting his words as Ivan stood up, removing his hand from Ludwig's shoulder and smiled. "Of course Ludwig. It is getting late Da?" He inquired towards the other. Ludwig nodded slightly at Ivan before rising to a stand.

"Thank you for having me over Ivan." He stated as he began to walk to the door, Ivan close behind as he went to see his guest out. "Oh and Ivan" Ludwig turned around to face Ivan again. "You don't have to be alone again." He stated, looking up at the taller male in front of him.

Ivan looked down at the other, his scarf hiding his genuine smile from the other. "Thank you." Ivan said simply. "Feel free to come whenever Ludwig." He called as the German walked away, waving slightly on his way out.


	7. Another Night

Ivan sat back down in his old chair in the large, lonely room. He turned his head to the side, leaning his face on his still bare hand and watched the unmoving, satin curtains hanging from the window's bar. His house seemed less full than ever as he took notice of his lack of company. Ivan sighed, his hand falling down to his lap with a soft 'thud'; his stomach had been feeling twisted and bloodless when Ludwig was over. He had only been to focused to notice the fluttering feeling in till now. As Ivan pushed himself up to a standing position, he walked slowly to his private sitting room. As Ivan entered the large library-like room from the oaken door, He looked around the room as a small smile appeared on his face.

The heavy oak door stood ajar to the large room. The walls held long bookshelves that covered every inch of the room's grooved walls. The Russian man's favorite books and ones none so much loved adorned the walls of the room. In the far right end of the room stood a large wooden desk in the corner, on the left edge held a small pillar of books while the rest was occupied with scattered papers. An ample chair stood behind the desk with black leather cushions sewn atop the frame. Near the middle of the room stood four chairs. Between each was a small, worn, wooden table. Each held a glass vase holding a sunflower in the smooth rim. Each chair was slightly curved to form a semi-circle. On the right most chair's table held a small lamp for light in night time reading sessions. he books each held a thin layer of dust that had found it's way there since the last time Ivan had thought to dust in the old room. In the central wall stood a large fireplace, atop it's mantel place stood old pictures of Ivan, Natalya, Yekaterina, Toris, Eduard and Ravis took their place among a vase of small sunflowers. On the left wall was the another break in the book ridden walls. There was a sizeable window that showed out to his back yard. Underneath the window's ledge was a small sit in bench. Dark brown curtains covered the view of the outside world as light shone through the fibers.

Ivan walked slowly over to the window and opened up the curtains. The light shone dimly in the semi-dark room. He breathed in the musty smell of old paper and leather backed books before he opened up the windows, swinging them inwards by the small latching handles on the frame. The fresh air broke it's way in to the cold room, bringing new breath to the old things in the ancient room. Ivan smiled lightly to himself. His rough hands gripped the frame of the window for a second before he left to go sit. As he ran his finger tip across the spines of the old books along the wall before picking up one. As he gingerly sat down in the far right chair, he opened the book to examine the yellowed pages. The broken spine of the very much loved book groaned lightly as he searched the brittle pages for his favorite part of the long story. There he sat for hours, reading the aged book.

Ludwig made his way to the air port. The seemingly long day had only amounted to hours in the prodigious Russian home. The German had thought that talking with Ivan would allow his mind rest from very topic of him. But it only seemed to do the opposite. All the while he boarded yet another plane and went on his way well above the Earth, his mind still wondered back to the Russian. He tried desperately to keep him off his mind even after he returned home. Cleaning, cooking and training did nothing for the troubled German man. His mind would become side tracked while working out business and filling out papers and reports.

Ludwig paced in his room once more, the carpet beginning to show signs of ware in the place he would walk endlessly back and forth in middle of the night. His mind was riddled with thoughts, on prominent one seemed to be the question of 'why?'. Why was his mind so persistent in keeping him up at night with the thoughts of Ivan? Why would nothing else be so ever present in his thoughts like Ivan? Why was this man having such an effect on him? Running a hand through his messy, blond hair he repeated the word.  
"Why? Why? Why?" His voice stayed barely above a whisper as he racked his brain for an answer to the question. He couldn't find the answer. With a soft sigh he returned to sitting on the edge of the large bed in his room. The air felt cold and still as he sat there in his aphotic room. He pulled off his old and warn boots from his feet leaned back. As Ludwig gazed at the ceiling he began to do nothing more than think.

The Russian man seemed to be having such a strange affect on him. He didn't understand it. All the German could think of the way his stomach seemed to feel when Ivan had touched his shoulder, The sudden warmth of Ivan had seemed to spread to him and he didn't feel lonesome any more. His pulse quickened slightly at the thought of being near him again. Ludwig turned over again in his bed and on to his stomach. His lips held themselves in a hard line as his brow furrowed slightly. He pushed himself back up into a standing position as he rubbed his temples.

Ludwig finally went to bed hours later. He curled up on one side of the massive bed. The cold sheets covered the large German man as he laid there on his side. All his thoughts still trained on the Russian as much as he wished them not to. The other end of the bed stood untouched and cold. The ample spring bed was only half full, as it seemed to stand for a long time now.

The soft morning sun peaked it's way through the finely woven fibers of the dark crimson curtains the next morning. The aphotic room where Ludwig slept seemed to start to glow as golden yellow filtered in from the dim light cascaded down onto the wooden bed frame that held a tangled German, lost in the sea of sheets and to hot blankets. A pillow or two would be found on the floor, as Ludwig had seemed to twist and turn from his dreams that night. One of his legs laid hap-hazardously over the edge of the bed while the opposite arm was sprawled out to the right of him. Half of his warm body covered in blankets and sheets while a few limbs and half of his left chest peeked out from them. His hair was messy and hazardously thrown across his head.

As Ludwig opened his clear blue eye's, the state of his bed and himself included dawned on him as he sat up and rubbed his eyes of sleep. He slowly stretched as he arose from the strange waves of dark red that were his blankets. As Ludwig seemed to believe, he had woken and fallen asleep several times during the night, each time finding a new way to lay down to find comfort. A yawn tumbled from his opened jaw as he carefully stretched each tight muscle in his back. Looking over to find his small digital clock sitting on the small wooden night stand next to the large bed the clock read '8:43 AM' in bright, glowing, green numbers and letters. A groan left the German's throat as he slumped off to get ready for an uneventful day in the life of an uneventful person. After sitting down in a stiff chair in his dining room, a large, steaming mug filled with black coffee before him, he thought of maybe talking to Russia over the phone again.

Only after thinking it did he actually begin to question himself again. Why would he want to talk to such a scary person, let alone voluntarily? Then it occurred to him, that that was all he had dome with the Russian the last month or so. Ludwig drummed his fingertips across the top of the table before him in thought in till he had made up his mind.


	8. Clammy hands

The large Russian man walked down the streets of Moscow. The large city had been his home town for a long while; it was the capital after all. Snow fell slowly from the bleached skies over the prosperous city like it had been for so long. Shops of all kinds stood along the streets, all selling either home-made goods or manufactured ones. The smell of fresh breads drifted down the street, hitting Ivan's frozen nose. The ample sized Russian continued down the street as his thoughts wandered through his mind. Nothing seemed to pull his mind from his thoughts as he walked with a swift pace through the building snow. The air smelled clean and new like it alway's did to him, and he noted the different things going on, but refused to act on anything he desired.

His pace slowed as he passed a small flower shop. In the window stood a vase with a swan like neck holding four sunflowers. A small smile pulled it's way onto Ivan's chapped and pale lips underneath his scarf. As his glove clad hands grasped the door handle, he thought for a split second of what to do with them. Opening the door a small bell chimed; letting the workers know someone had come in to see their modest little store. The smell of flowers floated in the air around the shop, needing no other perfumes to help make the small room more of a home than a shop.

Across from the door was a counter holding a cash register and a cup with scissors, pens and pencils. Behind the counter stood another one, with wrapping for the flowers and such. On both walls stood freezer like refrigerators to hold the flowers in temperatures to keep them fresh and sellable. Around the small shop stood little tables and stands, showing off their vases and different flowers of choice. It was just the beginning of winter, so sunflowers, although hard to find, were there in some places. The small place seemed to have just a few, which was all Ivan needed to come in and have a look.

From a door in the back, a young girl appeared. Her smile sweet and her fetures soft, she greeted Ivan kindly and introduced him to the selection of flowers. Not really needing time to decide, he only asked for the sunflowers they had and then proceeded to pay and leave. Leaving the store was like exiting a small room of nothing but warm, quite and happy thoughts in to a cold out lands of sorts for him. Clutching the large flowers in his arms to keep the water from freezing, he began to wind his way home.

With the thoughts of Ivan filling his head, Ludwig didn't know what to do. As the German man leaned on the window sill from his seat in a wooden chair, thought constantly filled his mind. Thoughts of figuring out the Russian's inner most thought filtered through his head. His crystal blue eyes glinted in the dying light of yet another day in Berlin.

The sun peeked its bright face through the dying leaves of soon to be barren trees. The wind wafting slowly in the faint breeze as the sky took its deep breaths of the last scents of fall began to drift away. What few leaves that cling to the tree's limbs were falling away, fall seemed to be coming to a close in the northern hemisphere as everything began to become cold and dead. The quite around the German only felt too fitting for the moment as he sat there in his chair. The shallow breaths that puffed out from his lungs making fog stick to the cold surface of the rigid glass in front of his face. A small thought found it's way into Ludwig's head as he sat in the lifeless room of his large home

"It's funny how there is so much beauty in death. But only in the earth." He repeated the statement out loud. His voice was low and he only mumbled the words, making them tumble and fall from his lips only to fade just after they had left. Swallowing and licking his dried lips, he thought of the statement again. 'What an odd thing to think of' he thought only moment's before he heard the shrill voice of his brother call from the other side of the room.

"What was that West?" A loud laugh was heard as he walked over to his younger brother. Standing up the German man looked at his older brother and sighed. He had ruined the moment of beauty and calm.

"Nothing East" He replied. He didn't want to have his brother laugh in his face for thinking such poetic thoughts.

"Ah Bruder! Don't lie to me!" Another laugh came bellowing out from Gilbert's throat. "You said something, now out with it!" He commanded, his higher pitched voice cutting through the air like a knife through butter.

"I said it was nothing. Please let it go bruder." Germany pleaded ever so slightly to his older, although considerably less mature, brother. Ludwig felt tired and emotionally worn. His thought's always on the brink of taking over his life and work. Before Gilbert could make a remark and continue his prodding for information, the phone rang. The chiming of the phone's signal of a call echoed through the home. With a sigh Ludwig walked toward the phone to answer it, holding up a hand to tell his brother to stop talking for a while; while he took the call.

As he picked up the phone, he didn't care to check on whom had placed the call. Answering in the same tone he would a business call, he said with a bored tone "Guten Tag" Thinking it would be his boss or something of the like. What Ludwig didn't expect was the happy Russian voice from the other side reply in his native tongue as well

"Allo!" Ivan spoke nicely and cheerful, a smile on his face as he played with the petals of a sunflower in a vase next to him. It fared the cold well enough on his way home and now the smell of flowers and late summer flowed through the room ever so faintly.

Ludwig's eyes widened ever so slightly as he realised that it was indeed Ivan on the other side of the line. His voice caught in his throat and his face flushed lightly as he thought of him again, realising the strange thought from before had taken his mind off of Ivan for only a short period of time. A concerned "Are you there?" called back in a heavily accented voice. Worry laced his words, and although his accent made it somewhat hard to understand his thoughts, it was clear he was concerned for Ludwig.

Clearing his throat the German answered "Ah yes, hello Ivan. What is it I can do for you?" He answered back; mindlessly pulling at his collar with his free hand. His flush had almost gone by then, his gloved hand tightening on the phone in it.

"I was wondering if you would like to..." Ivan paused, thinking carefully of what to say "Hang out? It is very lonely here in home." You could hear the nervous smile in his voice as he spoke. Ivan stood in his home, his palms slightly sweaty and his face flushed. He was talking to Germany; so why blush? He didn't know the answer. He was unsure of his feelings and why this happened to him.

"Ah, sure why not...?" Ludwig answered, feeling foolish for sounding so unprofessional when talking to such a large nation. A small smile still was pulling its way on to his lips, and as much as he fought it, he couldn't help it. His stomach felt bloodless and his palms clammy at the thought of spending a lot of time with the Russian man. But why not? If he couldn't stay out of his head, why not devote a few hours of his time to Ivan when his brain decided to do so anyways?

Delighted to hear Ludwig say yes, Ivan laughed lightly and responded "Alright, I will see you next Sunday Da?" He inquired, before Ludwig could respond with his own "Ja" of sorts, the Russian then said "I will see you at your place at noon! Do svidaniya!" He cheered and hung up. The plans were seemingly made and Ludwig seemed slightly disgruntled by the fact he had no say in when, where and what was going on at this point. Hanging up the phone on its perch mounted on the wall he turned towards the doorway out to see his brother standing there, a smug grin on his face.

"So, West, who was that?" Gilbert sang to his brother. His grin not faltering once as he stared at Ludwig across the room. By now Ludwig's smile was gone and a stern face replaced it. The only difference was that there was a flush on his face as his embarrassment showed through his transparent façade.


End file.
